Thursday, May 29, 2008

I will not be swept away, I will not be burned

I've been overtaken by a strange energy. Though I awoke at 6am (much earlier than I'm used to), and I've been in class all day with only a couple of 10 minute breaks, I feel energized. My heart is racing, and my eyes are wide awake, but it's a strange exhausting energy, as if I were running and any minute now I'm about to stop and collapse and then I'll feel completely spent. I should probably use this energy to work on the project I have due tomorrow, but instead I feel the urge to write. I don't even know what to write about, usually I think my blogs out in my head before I sit at a computer screen and write, which may explain why they're usually so stinkin' long. But today, I just thought it would be fun to sit and write whatever comes out.

May 2008 has been crazy. It's been very emotional, filled with highs and lows, disappointments and excitements. I can easily imagine an affect chart of this past month that looks something like an earthquake on a Richter scale. Studied for finals for four days, took three finals, three days in a row, went to a potluck picnic for homeless people, went to a departmental party and sang with my advisor and other faculty and students, went to my friend Amanda's birthday party, saw Andrew for the first time since breakup. First time was great, second time, I smashed a tequila bottle afterwards. Packed up, came home for over a week. Watched friends at TCU graduate, celebrated my birthday with sushi and martinis, went to my grandma's for mother's day and my actual birthday, had a nice steak dinner with family for my birthday. Spend the rest of the week sleeping in and catching up with various friends. Went on a date with a 36 year old. Saw Prince Caspian, liked it, but not as much as I'd hoped.

Flew to Ohio via Houston and Nashville to see the first concert of the Stone Temple Pilots reunion tour. Spent all of the next day flying home, then drove back to College Station. Got really sick with food poisoning or a stomach virus, missed my first class, my mom drove down to take care of me. Finally went to class and back to work, and mom drove back. Been taking a crazy awesome but crazy two week course called Advanced Therapeutic Techniques where I've been learning a lot, both about therapy and about myself as a person. Made an appointment to go see my own counselor.

Came back home, saw Britt and Shawn, ate Indian food, smoked hookah, celebrated my friend's birthday, celebrated Cara's graduation dressed as a rockstar, went bowling and saw Indiana Jones with my friend and her husband. Loved Indiana Jones, more than I expected. At some point over the weekend, I realized that I still miss Andrew. Had an emotional reaction to something silly that resulted in me and my church friend/mentor type person emailing back and forth, and recently resulted in a really good conversation. Heard some things that were hard to hear, but were true, and I'm feeling better and less fearful. Found out that our fourth roommate changed her mind about living with us next year, and the next day found out that we'd found another one.

Went to Scarborough Faire, got a henna tattoo. Seriously thinking about getting a real one. Drove back to College Station, started a course on Family Therapy. An 8am course. Been classing, working, and seeing clients all day long. Spent time with my church small group last night.

Phew, it's exhausting just typing it out, and thinking about all that I've experienced and dealt with over the past month. But I've definitely had some exciting experiences, some great memories, good times with friends, and good conversations. It was really good seeing those of you that I saw over the past couple of weeks. You're a blessing to me, you're beautiful, and I hope I see you again soon. I'm learning a lot about myself and how and why I function the way I do, and hopefully that learning will continue. I'm ready to just be in the swing of things, and hopefully have some time to relax and opportunities to spend more time with new friends here in College Station. The second time I went back to DFW, I really didn't want to come back here. But now that I'm here, I want to make the most of it, and I'm willing to be proactive. Like asking my friends last night if they wanted to watch LOST together tonight, instead of waiting for an invite. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing this weekend, but I'm definitely going to this potluck picnic thing again. It's pretty awesome, it's in a park in Bryan, and several people from my church go. Basically, the soup kitchen or what not isn't open on Saturdays, so we bring food to this park, and anyone in the community (homeless or otherwise) is welcome to come. I brought eggs and cinnamon rolls last time, and then played soccer after we ate. I really want to start going to this more, at least every other weekend, if not every weekend. Oh, and I have a paper due Monday, joy. But I'm not complaining, because it's a good class, and I honestly don't think this paper will be that hard to write.

I guess that about wraps things up. It's time for me to work on other things. I really don't know what to expect from this summer, especially since it's been such a roller coaster so far. But I'm feeling optimistic. I'm going to work hard in my classes, and serve others, and have fun however I can, and just try to roll with any punches that come along. I really truly believe that good things are happening, that I've been significantly blessed, and there are more blessing to come, and I'm being challenged and meeting those challenges and being shaped and chiseled. And when the bad things happen, I'm not alone. I'm never alone.

"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2*

You're not alone either, you know. Good things are happening for you as well.

*The inspiration for my tattoo if I ever get one.

1 comment:

if walled in climb up said...

Wow! Your month has certainly been a rollercoaster! I hope that we can stay in touch more often. It was fantastic seeing you! Love you!