Cara told me this was good blog material. So, here goes.
Are you sitting down?
Do you have and food or drink in your mouth? Swallow quickly.
A few days ago, I turned 23. Yesterday, I went out with a 36 year old.
Ok, catch your breath. If you did a spit take with your drink, it's your own fault. I told you to swallow.
Yes, I turned 23, and suddenly I'm thrust into the adult dating world. The world where men can ask you out at restaurants, and 23 year olds and 36 year olds can be peers (sorta). 23 no longer sounds like a college student. Sure, there are 23 year olds still finishing college, but there are a lot more 22 year olds in college. And yes, I'm still in school, but it's different. I have a degree, but I'm advancing my education further and doing something that few do. Since we've graduated college, three of my friends have started men born in the 70's: 29, 31, and 34 are the ages of their boyfriends.
So, back to this dude (man?). Let's see, when he was graduating high school, I was starting kindergarten. When he was my age, he was living in Greece, modeling, and I was ten, and had never flown on a plane yet. His oldest niece is 25. He said he normally wouldn't "go after" 23 year olds, but he was attracted to me before he knew my age, and when he knew my age, he said, "You don't sound or act like a 23 year old." And let's face it, he doesn't look, sound, or act like a 36 year old. When he asked, "How old do you think I am?" I realized that he was older than he looked. When I saw him outside in the sunlight, I noticed the few gray strands peppering his red hair and a few laugh line wrinkles around his eyes that I hadn't noticed when I'd first met him in the dark restaurant.
So, how did I come to meet this dude in the first place? Back up three months ago. I was at a restaurant, with my mother, stepfather, and step grandparents, celebrating my mother's birthday party. Around dessert, the waitress comes to me and says, "Hey, the man sitting at that table over there wants to ask you out." What?!? I looked over and see an attractive man waving at me. The waitress continues, "He's a great guy, I know him, he works here. " So, with the permission of my family, I went over and talked to him. He was dining with a friend. We all introduced ourselves, and the question of my age quickly came up. His friend had thought that I was young, 17 or 18, but he had noticed the margarita I was drinking and thought my young looking mother to be my coworker. His friend felt uncomfortable, "like the chaperone," and left us to chat about ourselves. I explained that I don't live here any more, that I was only in town for the weekend, but I was very flattered by his approach. He asked when I was returning, and I told him in about a month for spring break. "Ok, how about this?" he explained, "I'll tell you my email address, it's very easy to remember, and if you like, when you're in town again, I'll take you out. I'll take you out to dinner somewhere." The whole experience was very strange. I've never been asked out my a stranger, and certainly never when I was with my mother!
And what possessed me three months later to call his restaurant after unsuccessfully emailing him? A little bit of breakup blues desperation, and a lot of curiosity. Seriously, if he could take the risk to ask me out, couldn't I take the risk to let him take me out? At the very least, it could just be a fun time and good story. So, I suggested we meet for coffee at a nice shopping center, and we spent about three hours, drinking coffee, talking, telling stories, browsing shops, and eating cheese fries.
So, what of the date? It was fun. Did we have a good time together? Yes. Did we click? Not entirely. Were there fireworks and butterflies in my stomach? No. Is he someone I could see myself in a relationship with? No. Is he someone I'd see again? Perhaps. As it turns out, he's suffering from post breakup blues himself. About nine months ago, he moved here from Austin after a bad breakup, and I'm the first person he's asked out since then and this was his first date-type experience since then. Kinda flattering. He told me, "I'm just easing back into the dating thing. So, I'm pretty safe!" He seemed interested in hanging out again, when I mentioned liking plays, his response was, "We'll have to go to one sometime." And at the end of our time together, he told me to text him whenever I was in town. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. As long as he doesn't want to get serious, it might be nice to go to plays and such with an interesting, attractive man every once in a while. Or not. Maybe I'll always be busy with friends and family whenever I'm in town, that I won't want to bothers with hanging out with someone who I'm not seriously interested in.
Whatever the case, I'm glad I took the risk and had a good experience.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Immortality
The past couple of weekends, while I've been writing and studying until I dropped, my mom, aunts, and cousins have been sorting through items at my grandmother's house. I wish I could have been a part of the process, because the things they've found have truly been amazing. They found several diaries that no one even knew my grandmother kept! These go back as far as her teenage years, when she writes of dates she went on, years before she married my grandfather at 29. Apparently she kept these diaries off and on throughout the years, and I think they've found one from every decade through the nineties. After reading a few passages, my oldest aunt stated how she doesn't like reading diaries of people who are still alive and would like to wait until our grandmother is gone before these are read anymore. Everyone agreed.
I've kept prayer journals off and one through the past several years, and I've kept a travel journal of places I've traveled to since I graduated college, which I intend to give to my daughter when she turns 18 or 21. And then there's this blog, an online diary. Will someone find these journals in my home when I'm 80 and in a nursing home, or will Google maintain these blogs sites and we can email our grandchildren links? One of my classmates has kept a diary since she was 14, and she writes exactly one page, no more no less, every single day. I feel like were I to start a diary like that, I'd soon lose interest in a couple of months. If my grandchildren want to learn about this season of my life, they can piece together photographs, travel journals, and blog entries, and it will tell them something. But what kind of picture am I painting of myself?
Also, my cousin and I used to play all sorts of creative games together at my grandmother's house. One of our favorites was to make "robots" out of the bedposts, which consists of drawing, coloring, cutting, and taping clothing, eyes, and mouths onto the bedposts to design different "robots." When we were done, we always stashed the materials under the dresser, and sure enough, when my cousin looked, they were all still there! She told me she'll get them laminated so we can save them.
My mom's main interest in this endeavor was saving old pictures. She's collected most of the pictures found in the house, and has bought a scanner/photo printer and has begun scanning them. Since I've been home, I've been looking through these photos. There are pictures of my mother when she was 2 weeks old, her and her sisters as children, as long-legged, long-haired teenagers, but the pictures of the most interest to me are before my mother and aunts were born. There are many pictures of my grandmother before she had children, when she was my age, posing dramatically with her college girlfriends, wearing dark lipstick, cat-eyed glasses, rarely smiling, always looking serious, but something about the poses and the other girls expressions tells me that these were just a few college girls goofing off for the camera, much like my friends and I do now. There are my grandmother's brothers, who I never knew, and their charming, carefree attitudes ooze from the photographs. Uncle Waymon, the womanizer, gives a smarmy smile while wearing a bowtie and holding a cigarette toward the camera, trying to pose like a movie star or something. You look at this picture, and you can't help but hear him saying, "Hey doll, got a light?" My mother held this picture next to my grandfather's serious portrait in his Corps uniform, and said, "Isn't it interesting that a woman who came from this family married this man?"
And then there's my grandfather, who died when my mom was 12. I love hearing stories about him, but I feel like he'll always be a mystery to me. It seems like every year another piece of the puzzle is added. High school math teacher turned principal. Amputee from an accident working in Illinois, who survived when a nun prayed for him all night long. A&M Corps member. Musician. Husband. Brother. Father. But I still don't know how to describe him. My mother describes him as hard-working and honorable, "a man of character." Those are great things, but they tell me nothing about his personality, what he was like to be around, what he was like as a husband or father. I found a photo of him that I love. He's canoing on a lake in 1950, one year after him and my grandmother married, a couple of years before my aunt was born. He's in the shadowy right hand side of the photo, gazing out into the water, light streaming from the upper left hand corner of the photo, and mossy trees in the background. My mom scanned this for me and found one of my grandmother, posing on a big tree stump in a forest, who's setting matches the forested lake setting of my grandfather's picture. Somehow, these pictures capture how I conceptualize each of these grandparents. My grandmother is posed for the camera, and her body takes the center of this clear, crisp photograph. My grandfather, however, was just captured by the lens, clouded by light and shadows. My memories of my grandmother will always be as clear as this photograph, but my ideas of my grandfather are sketched together through other's memories, clouded by light and shadows.
I've kept prayer journals off and one through the past several years, and I've kept a travel journal of places I've traveled to since I graduated college, which I intend to give to my daughter when she turns 18 or 21. And then there's this blog, an online diary. Will someone find these journals in my home when I'm 80 and in a nursing home, or will Google maintain these blogs sites and we can email our grandchildren links? One of my classmates has kept a diary since she was 14, and she writes exactly one page, no more no less, every single day. I feel like were I to start a diary like that, I'd soon lose interest in a couple of months. If my grandchildren want to learn about this season of my life, they can piece together photographs, travel journals, and blog entries, and it will tell them something. But what kind of picture am I painting of myself?
Also, my cousin and I used to play all sorts of creative games together at my grandmother's house. One of our favorites was to make "robots" out of the bedposts, which consists of drawing, coloring, cutting, and taping clothing, eyes, and mouths onto the bedposts to design different "robots." When we were done, we always stashed the materials under the dresser, and sure enough, when my cousin looked, they were all still there! She told me she'll get them laminated so we can save them.
My mom's main interest in this endeavor was saving old pictures. She's collected most of the pictures found in the house, and has bought a scanner/photo printer and has begun scanning them. Since I've been home, I've been looking through these photos. There are pictures of my mother when she was 2 weeks old, her and her sisters as children, as long-legged, long-haired teenagers, but the pictures of the most interest to me are before my mother and aunts were born. There are many pictures of my grandmother before she had children, when she was my age, posing dramatically with her college girlfriends, wearing dark lipstick, cat-eyed glasses, rarely smiling, always looking serious, but something about the poses and the other girls expressions tells me that these were just a few college girls goofing off for the camera, much like my friends and I do now. There are my grandmother's brothers, who I never knew, and their charming, carefree attitudes ooze from the photographs. Uncle Waymon, the womanizer, gives a smarmy smile while wearing a bowtie and holding a cigarette toward the camera, trying to pose like a movie star or something. You look at this picture, and you can't help but hear him saying, "Hey doll, got a light?" My mother held this picture next to my grandfather's serious portrait in his Corps uniform, and said, "Isn't it interesting that a woman who came from this family married this man?"
And then there's my grandfather, who died when my mom was 12. I love hearing stories about him, but I feel like he'll always be a mystery to me. It seems like every year another piece of the puzzle is added. High school math teacher turned principal. Amputee from an accident working in Illinois, who survived when a nun prayed for him all night long. A&M Corps member. Musician. Husband. Brother. Father. But I still don't know how to describe him. My mother describes him as hard-working and honorable, "a man of character." Those are great things, but they tell me nothing about his personality, what he was like to be around, what he was like as a husband or father. I found a photo of him that I love. He's canoing on a lake in 1950, one year after him and my grandmother married, a couple of years before my aunt was born. He's in the shadowy right hand side of the photo, gazing out into the water, light streaming from the upper left hand corner of the photo, and mossy trees in the background. My mom scanned this for me and found one of my grandmother, posing on a big tree stump in a forest, who's setting matches the forested lake setting of my grandfather's picture. Somehow, these pictures capture how I conceptualize each of these grandparents. My grandmother is posed for the camera, and her body takes the center of this clear, crisp photograph. My grandfather, however, was just captured by the lens, clouded by light and shadows. My memories of my grandmother will always be as clear as this photograph, but my ideas of my grandfather are sketched together through other's memories, clouded by light and shadows.
Friday, May 02, 2008
statistics hate
Last night I learned that working on multiple regression equations for a couple of hours has similar effects on me as consuming alcohol, contributing to the following behaviors:
- Uncontrollable laughing at things that aren't really that funny.
- Use of curse words, both real and made-up, ("Oh shiznit!")
- High distractability
- Decreased inhibitions resulting in inappropriate comments, ("What does 'SM' stand for?" "I dunno, but it involves leather.")
- Excessive use of "Your mom" and "That's what she said" jokes, ("Your mom's a standard error of the mean!" "Your mom looks like an anorexic dog!")
- Increased interest in the opposite sex, (Edgar's male friend called, and I kept obnoxiously asking, "Is he hot?")
- Extreme fatigue!
Friday, April 25, 2008
dubya's check
I don't care what Dubya says, I'm not using my economic stimulus check to buy more stuff that I don't need. I've been giving some thought about what to do with that money plus my tax rebate I'll soon be receiving. Here are some possibilities:
On a completely unrelated note, I think that every young single person should be friends with a fun 29 year-old childless married couple who stay up late and live in a cool house with a recording studio and pool. These cats will still be cool even when they have kids.
- Pay off my credit card bill.
- Give to my church.
- Give to my missionary friends.
- Give to the local public radio station I listen to.
On a completely unrelated note, I think that every young single person should be friends with a fun 29 year-old childless married couple who stay up late and live in a cool house with a recording studio and pool. These cats will still be cool even when they have kids.
Monday, April 21, 2008
too many sad words make for sad, sad songs
I've been listening to a lot of great music lately that has done nothing whatsoever to improve my mood (Ryan Adams, The Frames, Tom Conlon, Copeland, Imogen Heap, Iron and Wine). I love this music, but I feel like I need to do everything I can these next couple of weeks to keep my mood and energy up. So, today, I switched to some peppier music, which today was the Decemberists, and tomorrow will probably be Ben Folds. After that, I'm not sure. But I really need to listen to happy music right now, not necessarily fluffy pop, but good songs that make me feel alive, that make me want to dance and sing along and make me believe that I can conquer the world. What are some songs/musicians/albums that lift your spirits and bring you life? I welcome any recommendations.
On the topic of music, what do you guys think about the ACL lineup? I'm considering buying tickets as my birthday gift to myself this year. And a good wine stopper. Last year, my self-given birthday gift was getting my hair colored. Maybe next year it'll be a tattoo. But I digress . . . which bands would you be excited to see at ACL? What's the probably that you will be attending?
On the topic of music, what do you guys think about the ACL lineup? I'm considering buying tickets as my birthday gift to myself this year. And a good wine stopper. Last year, my self-given birthday gift was getting my hair colored. Maybe next year it'll be a tattoo. But I digress . . . which bands would you be excited to see at ACL? What's the probably that you will be attending?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
He will rejoice over you with singing
"Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!
The LORD has taken away your punishment,
The LORD has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
'Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
The LORD your God is with you,
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.' "
Zephaniah 3:14-17
Monday at a women's meeting with my church, those words were poured out over my friend Natalie. She described feeling oppressed by shame and fear, by lies that her family had told her, that were keeping her from experiencing God's love and affection from others. Praying over her, praying for freedom, praying against this oppression, was a truly beautiful experience. We prayed, we cried, we laughed, words of truth were spoken, metaphors were described, images were imagined, scripture was read, song lyrics were quoted. There's really no way to describe it. Just imagine, one small blonde girl sitting on her knees, crying, blowing her nose, and at least 20 other women, Arwens, unwilling to let our friend, our sister, be bound by darkness, as we prayed and spoke over Natalie about 20 minutes.
Through this experience of speaking healing and freedom into Natalie's life, I also found that freedom and life is being given to me as well. I suppose it's true, as one part suffers, all parts suffer, and as one part rejoices, all parts rejoice. I imagine that I wasn't the only one suffering, and the only one who left that meeting rejoicing. I woke Tuesday morning truly happy and full of life. This was the first day since the breakup that I was actually excited to wake up. I'd had pleasant dreams, dreams that were hopeful, and Andrew was in them, but I didn't miss him. He was there, but he didn't matter, and I woke up feeling like that could be possible, that exciting things are in store for me and that I will be free from missing him and feeling lonely.
Tuesday continued to be a great day. My classmate and I went down to Austin to see Feist in concert. The concert was incredible, and the whole afternoon/evening was a great escape. Even though it was a Tuesday night, it felt like a weekend, like a true vacation, and we were able to escape our school obligations for a few hours and really relax and enjoy ourselves.
My classmate also recently went through a breakup, and we dreamed about places we wanted to travel too and things that we wanted to do, and it got me really excited. I hadn't dreamed that way since I'd been dating Andrew. I had lots of dreams and excitement, but they all centered around him and how he could fit into my future. A lady at the women's meeting described how before she was married, she imagined taking all of her dreams and goals and placing them in a box and wrapping them as a gift. She knew that when she was married that she wouldn't have to throw away this box, but it would a gift that she could trust to her husband. She knew that God would provide her with someone who would take care of her dreams and goals. I really like that imagery. It's easy for me to be extreme and get caught up in the idea of being single and doing only what I want or of being married and surrendered to a husband and possibly giving up dreams, but I trust that God has someone for me who will cherish my dreams and help me fulfill them, and I don't have to fear giving them up because I'll be giving them over to someone I can trust.
In addition to the great concert and good time with friends, I came home from Austin with a bike! A couple of years ago, my mom gave me her old bike, but it was stolen. Lately, I've been thinking that I wanted a bike again, to ride for fun, and also I'm hoping to live closer to campus next year so I could possibly commute with it. My birthday's coming up, and I had even thought about asking for a bike for my birthday. My classmate and I picked up her friend Emily for the concert. Emily started talking about how she was getting a new bike, I mentioned wanting a bike, and she offered me her old one! It's a Hercules, made in England, and it's purple! It's such a girly bike - I absolutely love it! It needs some work, but I asked the men in my church small group about it, and there's a guy who really loves working on bikes, so he's excited to work on it! I'm really thrilled about it, it'll be great to start riding again. And did I mention it's purple? Remind me to post some pictures when we get it into shape.
Overall, it's been a really incredible week, but I've still had some hard times. I've been trying to figure out where to live and who to live with. I was considering buying a house, but a couple of weeks ago I decided against that. Last week, talking with a woman from my church about the breakup, I also started talking about housing, and we decided that it would be really good for me to live with some fellow church members. My roommates right now are ok, but we just don't connect, and I've never felt completely at home living where I live now. Like I've mentioned, I really want to connect with more women from my church and build female friendships, and I want to live somewhere that feels like a home. I think this would be really good for me, and I think it's what I need right now. I've talked with a couple of different sets of girls about it, but I'm still waiting for things to work out. Today, I got really frustrated, because things didn't work out with the first group of girls, and it may not work out with this second group. Both times, I got really emotional about it. I realize that I'm probably over reacting, but I'm hurt and lonely and I want so desperately for connect with others and I want something really good to look forward to! I've also realized that these feel a little like rejections. I just got a big rejection from Andrew, and then I felt rejected again when things didn't work out with the first group of girls. But they've assured me that it really just came down to the logistics and they want to continue to get to know me better and stay connected. I believe them, but I still have fear. I fear that because I'm no longer dating Andrew, that I'm going to lose these friendships I've started to build these past few months and just become distanced from these people. I know this isn't true, and people keep approaching me and telling me how they want to hang out, they want to stay connected to me, but I still have that fear. I fear being rejected again.
So, please pray for me about all of this. Pray that things will work out for me to live with some girls from church, pray that I'll really feel at home in my next place. Pray that I'll feel peace about this and be able to trust it to God without getting so emotional about it and without putting such high stakes on everything. Pray that I'll be free from these fears, pray that I'll continue to connect with others, and trust them. Pray that I won't be lonely, but that I will find good women to connect with during this time. And I have so much school work to do in the next three weeks, pray that I won't be distracted from that, but that I'll be diligent and get a lot done soon! My mom came to visit last weekend and that was really good, but I'm worried about this weekend. I have dinner plans on Friday and Saturday night, but most of the time I need to work on a big paper. I'm afraid that I'm going to get lonely, that I'm going to start thinking about Andrew and wondering what he's doing. Pray that I'll be free from that, that I'll just get absorbed in my paper and not worry about those things. I really am dreading this weekend, but I know that I shouldn't. It'll be a good time for me to be productive and to spend some time with the people here who I care about.
I started writing this post a couple of days ago, and there was more that I wanted to say, but I think this is enough for now.
Through this experience of speaking healing and freedom into Natalie's life, I also found that freedom and life is being given to me as well. I suppose it's true, as one part suffers, all parts suffer, and as one part rejoices, all parts rejoice. I imagine that I wasn't the only one suffering, and the only one who left that meeting rejoicing. I woke Tuesday morning truly happy and full of life. This was the first day since the breakup that I was actually excited to wake up. I'd had pleasant dreams, dreams that were hopeful, and Andrew was in them, but I didn't miss him. He was there, but he didn't matter, and I woke up feeling like that could be possible, that exciting things are in store for me and that I will be free from missing him and feeling lonely.
Tuesday continued to be a great day. My classmate and I went down to Austin to see Feist in concert. The concert was incredible, and the whole afternoon/evening was a great escape. Even though it was a Tuesday night, it felt like a weekend, like a true vacation, and we were able to escape our school obligations for a few hours and really relax and enjoy ourselves.
My classmate also recently went through a breakup, and we dreamed about places we wanted to travel too and things that we wanted to do, and it got me really excited. I hadn't dreamed that way since I'd been dating Andrew. I had lots of dreams and excitement, but they all centered around him and how he could fit into my future. A lady at the women's meeting described how before she was married, she imagined taking all of her dreams and goals and placing them in a box and wrapping them as a gift. She knew that when she was married that she wouldn't have to throw away this box, but it would a gift that she could trust to her husband. She knew that God would provide her with someone who would take care of her dreams and goals. I really like that imagery. It's easy for me to be extreme and get caught up in the idea of being single and doing only what I want or of being married and surrendered to a husband and possibly giving up dreams, but I trust that God has someone for me who will cherish my dreams and help me fulfill them, and I don't have to fear giving them up because I'll be giving them over to someone I can trust.
In addition to the great concert and good time with friends, I came home from Austin with a bike! A couple of years ago, my mom gave me her old bike, but it was stolen. Lately, I've been thinking that I wanted a bike again, to ride for fun, and also I'm hoping to live closer to campus next year so I could possibly commute with it. My birthday's coming up, and I had even thought about asking for a bike for my birthday. My classmate and I picked up her friend Emily for the concert. Emily started talking about how she was getting a new bike, I mentioned wanting a bike, and she offered me her old one! It's a Hercules, made in England, and it's purple! It's such a girly bike - I absolutely love it! It needs some work, but I asked the men in my church small group about it, and there's a guy who really loves working on bikes, so he's excited to work on it! I'm really thrilled about it, it'll be great to start riding again. And did I mention it's purple? Remind me to post some pictures when we get it into shape.
Overall, it's been a really incredible week, but I've still had some hard times. I've been trying to figure out where to live and who to live with. I was considering buying a house, but a couple of weeks ago I decided against that. Last week, talking with a woman from my church about the breakup, I also started talking about housing, and we decided that it would be really good for me to live with some fellow church members. My roommates right now are ok, but we just don't connect, and I've never felt completely at home living where I live now. Like I've mentioned, I really want to connect with more women from my church and build female friendships, and I want to live somewhere that feels like a home. I think this would be really good for me, and I think it's what I need right now. I've talked with a couple of different sets of girls about it, but I'm still waiting for things to work out. Today, I got really frustrated, because things didn't work out with the first group of girls, and it may not work out with this second group. Both times, I got really emotional about it. I realize that I'm probably over reacting, but I'm hurt and lonely and I want so desperately for connect with others and I want something really good to look forward to! I've also realized that these feel a little like rejections. I just got a big rejection from Andrew, and then I felt rejected again when things didn't work out with the first group of girls. But they've assured me that it really just came down to the logistics and they want to continue to get to know me better and stay connected. I believe them, but I still have fear. I fear that because I'm no longer dating Andrew, that I'm going to lose these friendships I've started to build these past few months and just become distanced from these people. I know this isn't true, and people keep approaching me and telling me how they want to hang out, they want to stay connected to me, but I still have that fear. I fear being rejected again.
So, please pray for me about all of this. Pray that things will work out for me to live with some girls from church, pray that I'll really feel at home in my next place. Pray that I'll feel peace about this and be able to trust it to God without getting so emotional about it and without putting such high stakes on everything. Pray that I'll be free from these fears, pray that I'll continue to connect with others, and trust them. Pray that I won't be lonely, but that I will find good women to connect with during this time. And I have so much school work to do in the next three weeks, pray that I won't be distracted from that, but that I'll be diligent and get a lot done soon! My mom came to visit last weekend and that was really good, but I'm worried about this weekend. I have dinner plans on Friday and Saturday night, but most of the time I need to work on a big paper. I'm afraid that I'm going to get lonely, that I'm going to start thinking about Andrew and wondering what he's doing. Pray that I'll be free from that, that I'll just get absorbed in my paper and not worry about those things. I really am dreading this weekend, but I know that I shouldn't. It'll be a good time for me to be productive and to spend some time with the people here who I care about.
I started writing this post a couple of days ago, and there was more that I wanted to say, but I think this is enough for now.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
you were happy
"I don't know if this will make you feel better, but you were in my dream last night and you were happy."
Thanks for putting up with the emo-ness of my previous blog. It's been a rough week, but things are getting better. Physically and emotionally I'm feeling better and I'm starting to gain more peace about what has happened. It still hurts, but I feel hopeful. I really do believe that this was from God and the right thing for both of us, and I truly believe that God has good things in store for me. Very good things. Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers, and if those could continue, then that would be awesome. Ya'll are truly wonderful - just knowing that I have friends who care about me and support me helps tremendously.
I know that a time when come soon when I will be free from hurt and loneliness and confusion. There will soon be a time when I feel completely content and satisfied and know that I'm not lacking anything. Even if that time only exists in others dreams and precious moments of peace and clarity in the present, I will soon look in the mirror, smile, and say, "I am happy."
"You were in my dream last night and you were happy."
Thanks for putting up with the emo-ness of my previous blog. It's been a rough week, but things are getting better. Physically and emotionally I'm feeling better and I'm starting to gain more peace about what has happened. It still hurts, but I feel hopeful. I really do believe that this was from God and the right thing for both of us, and I truly believe that God has good things in store for me. Very good things. Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers, and if those could continue, then that would be awesome. Ya'll are truly wonderful - just knowing that I have friends who care about me and support me helps tremendously.
I know that a time when come soon when I will be free from hurt and loneliness and confusion. There will soon be a time when I feel completely content and satisfied and know that I'm not lacking anything. Even if that time only exists in others dreams and precious moments of peace and clarity in the present, I will soon look in the mirror, smile, and say, "I am happy."
"You were in my dream last night and you were happy."
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