this is not a confession

I may or may not have started a fire in the break room today. I may or may not have been trying to remove my hypothetical bagel from the toaster oven, may or may not have been using a napkin as an oven mitt, and that possibly existing napkin may or may not have caught on fire. Rest assured that if I did start a fire this morning, that I would have resisted the urge to throw the fiery napkin into the trashcan and instead would have thrown the flaming paper to the floor, and stamped it out with my flip flops. If I had been wearing flip flops today, of course. Also note that if I ever were to start a fire in the break room, it would have been entirely by accident.