Tuesday, December 16, 2008

constant companion

As a musician, her guitar has become her companion. She tells me how when she's been lonely, she could play her guitar for hours. Song after song, her dear friend entertains and comforts her.

I am not a musician; I have never experienced the companionship of an instrument. Have any of you ever had an object, maybe not an instrument, perhaps a favorite book, or a hobby, or a favorite television show or film, that brings you companionship? Can you turn to that thing, when there is no one else present, and find comfort and fun and a fulfilling way to pass the time?

She's not an object, but I remember when I adopted my cat Gracie 15 months ago, and our first drive back to College Station together. She cried the entire way. I remember telling her, "It's you and me, Gracie, you and me." I remember thinking about how for many years to come, she will be my companion, traveling back and forth with me, moving to new homes and cities. I had no idea who I would live with the following year or where I would live in few years when I had finished my coursework or who else would ever make this drive back and forth between BCS and DFW with me, but I knew that she would be with me. I felt empowered, a 22 year old graduate student woman and her cat, ready to take on the world, ready to go wherever life takes us. Since that time, I've made many more friends in the BCS, young men have come in and out of my life, I considered a living situation that would not have allowed me to keep Gracie, but I've moved into a new home, and Gracie and I have clocked who knows how many thousands of miles back and forth together. She still cries the whole way, though not as loudly or as frequently, and sometimes I cry with her, but mostly I sing. I know she's just a pet, but it's comforting having a companion who will probably be with me for many more years, as I graduate, and move, and start my career, and perhaps marry and start a family. Maybe my oldest children will pet her when she's old and feeble, as I used to pet my parents' old cats when I was a child. Or maybe circumstances will prevent me from keeping her, but for now, she is a constant.

My True Constant is my God and Savior, and I find such peace is knowing that whatever changes happen, He is. I have to be honest though, that I rarely think of God as my companion. I've heard people speak of Christ as being their best friend, their husband, their lover, etc, but these images and metaphors have never really described my relationship with Him, and there was a time that I thought I was less of a Christian for not having Jesus as my boyfriend. He is my God, my Lord, my Savior, my Rescuer, my Comforter, my Confidant, my Shepherd, my Guide, my Wisdom, my Father, my Mother, my Love, my Strength, my Confidence, my Guardian, my Protector. He holds me in His hands, He guards me with His wings, He leads me with His light, and I feel confident in knowing that whatever happens, I want His will more than anything else I desire. But it's hard for me to call Him my friend. I want Him to be that too already, but I feel fortunate to have a lifetime and beyond to explore who He is and who He is not.


The Pensive Poet said...

Reading has always been my escape from the world, and eventually that also encompassed the internet. (Nerd alert!)

Pets are wonderful, too, though. I've had to spend a lot of time apart from Lulu lately and it's made me realize how much I miss her when she's not here. Pets are so innocent and so real. They're completely honest about how they feel, and most of the time what they feel is pure love for us. If you think about that, it's almost overwhelming to think of a love with no strings attached. No matter how horrible you are to a pet, they'll still love you. It's a lesson in love we could all take to heart. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we loved people unconditionally? If we let people have the benefit of the doubt most days and enjoyed people simply because they are themselves and they've chosen to be a part of our lives. If we always welcomed people with overwhelming affection, haha. : )

Cara said...

Honestly, I watch a lot of Sex & the City. Yeah, I said it.

I also cry and journal and pray, usually all at the same time, and this brings relief.

In my opinion God is different things for us at different times. When I was a little girl, I needed Jesus to be my friend, and he was. In high school, I needed God to be my perfect heavenly Father, and he was. I'm so glad we have a lifetime to experience all the different ways God loves us.