Saturday, March 31, 2007

and the green grass glistens

So, an update on this whole graduate school process . . . I've finished all four of my interviews (Kansas City was the last). People have said, "Wow, aren't you relieved? Now you're in the easy part." Um, sorta. Though my interview story might have sounded awkward and negative, overall, I've had a really good experience with each of them. None of them were as nerve-racking as I expected and for the most part were pretty fun. I learned a lot and met many interesting people - sadly, most of whom I'll never see again, but who knows? I've heard back from all the schools - I've been accepted into two of them, one of which has offered me a pretty awesome fellowship, and I'm on the alternate list for the other two. But now, I feel more turmoil than I did during the interviews. First off, I hate making big life decisions. When I was a senior in high school, I waited until just a couple of days before the deadline to choose which college I would attend. I said that I wasn't going to, but it looks like I might do that this time too.

There's been so much on my mind lately, I don't even know where to begin. Why do I think of the worst case scenarios when I think about those two schools? I start with one question, "What about this aspect? Do I like that?" and then my mind has begun a downward spiral and suddenly I'm stuck in a graduate program that makes me miserable. Is that really the case? I should be much more excited! I have been excited, during the interviews and applications, and I will be excited again, when I finally make my decision. I felt this same way when I was trying to decide when to graduate. I vacillated and labored over that decision, but as soon as I turned in my intent to graduate - there was no looking back! I was filled with excitement and did everything I could to achieve that goal. I hope that will be the case this time.

Something I am very excited about is mine and Britt's trip to Europe this summer. I bought our Eurail passes today! It's actually happening and it's becoming more and more real to me. It started off as something we began talking about last summer, and now we're actually doing it! Over three weeks in Spain, Italy, Switzerland, and the Netherlands.

Among the turmoil and excitement, I've still managed to enjoy many simplicities. Some things that have made me happy this past week include - red wine and pizza in the botanic gardens, riding my bike, seeing the streets and grass glisten as the sun shines on them after the rain, couples older than my parents holding hands, blue eyes on men, iced coffee, and friends who are honest to share - when it hurts me, and when they share their love.


if walled in climb up said...

Ooh, I think many of us college people can relate in some way to the anxiety of choosing the place to spend the next 4 years. It's definitely okay to feel how you're feeling. I don't think any feelings about that are right or wrong.

In truth, I can't see you going wrong with any of the places that you choose. I'm pretty sure that all of the programs you're interested in will help you develop into an amazing counselor. Let me rephrase that: You are on the track to becoming a fabulous counselor, regardless of whatever program you choose. You already have 75% of what you need: the right heart for it. Now all you need is the training, experience, and certification.

I absolutely can't wait for our trip! It sounds so exotic when you say "Spain, Italy, Switzerland, and the Netherlands." I guess I had been thinking of it more in terms of the cities instead of the actual countries that we'll visit.

Hope you feel peace soon about your decision. Please consider this humble advice to not let fear and anxiety steal from the joy of the moment.

if walled in climb up said...

No, I haven't seen The Talented Mr. Ripley. I'll have to put that one on the list of movies to see. :) What are some of your other favorite movies you'd recommend? That's so cool you like A Separate Peace! It's been years since I've read it, but it was very memorable. John Knowles is such a good author.

Cara said...

i do the same thing with big decisions, kelly. i just know there are going to be great things where ever you end up.

Martha Elaine Belden said...

i can totally understand. but i can tell you, you're the kind of person who really will be happy wherever you go. and if all four (or both if you end up choosing between just those two) have good programs, you can't lose.

something a friend reminded me of yesterday that, although i knew it, was very profound to hear. she pointed out that when we are afraid of things, when we stress and speculate and imagine worst case scenarios and are fears become essentially hallucinations... there is one vital element which is always excluded. when we do this, we are leaving God out of the equation... He is never present in those imaginings... in the warped reality of those fears. even if, Heaven forbid, said worst case scenarios or fears come true... God will be there, and they will therefore look nothing like what you've "foreseen"

i don't know if any of that makes sense or comforts you... but it helped me.

i'm excited to see what you choose... and i'm even more excited to live vicariously through you in europe this summer :)

good post!

if walled in climb up said...

Happy Easter, Kelly! I love you! :)