We sat in the long white and red checkered covered table, eating our pulled pork and baked potato when I decided to tell her about the young woman I'd just met. A new friend, with whom I stayed in a graduate students' house with and who, like me, had read the same book about these graduate schools, who, like me, had prepared a list of questions and tried to be over prepared to make ourselves feel less nervous. A new friend, who listens to Christian music, has introduced her agnostic friends to Christ her Savior, who will be a virgin until marriage, who went to Rice, played saxophone in the mob, and was invited to interview with 11 graduate programs. A new friend who is a lesbian, who has a male identity, loves her girlfriend the young artist who makes a mess out of her apartment, and who wants to study transgendered individuals.
As we drank our tea, I didn't tell this old friend all these things about this new friend. I told her just enough. Then I told her about the professor studying the religiousity of the GLBT population, who had found that many Christian homosexuals aren't just liberal Christians, but identify with conservative, evangelical denominations. With other friends, I would have anticipated their reaction. With this old friend, I had no idea what to expect. Part of me wanted some kind of reaction, but didn't ask, "What do you think about her?" She just asked where the study was done, and mused, "Hmm," then continued with her baked potato and the conversation moved on.
Why did I tell her? Did I want a reaction? I just wanted her to think. I wanted to show her that the world God has created isn't as black and white as we think it is. Was that it? Did I just want to enlighten her? Perhaps my motives were more selfish. Maybe I wanted to stir things up, confuse her a little, present her with this paradoxal individual who's lifestyle and morals go against all that we have been taught about "us" and "them." I wanted her to be thrown off. Maybe a small part of me wanted her to wonder and question too. Am I envious of her? There she sat across from me, with her almost empty potato skin, so confident and secure in her beliefs. Everything was understandable. God will give us all wisdom. God does give wisdom, but does he want us to comprehend everything? Does he want us to have the same knowledge that he has?
Whatever my motives, pure or not, I am thankful for old friends, new friends, new questions, new perspectives, and the same God who rules them all.