Monday, September 15, 2008

here's my heart

Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.

Come Thou Fount is one of my favorite hymns, and we've been singing it pretty often in church lately. Last night, when singing the verse that I can relate to the most, the word goodness just leapt off the screen and into my conscious. Goodness. I need so desperately to believe that God is good, that He is goodness, that goodness is Him. Instead, I believe that I am good, and I kick and scream and cry against what God appears to be doing, when I need to discern what is from God and what is good and I need to rest in that goodness and be accepting of it.

What reminds you that God is good? How has that goodness been a fetter to keep your heart close to His?

Goodness knows, I need these reminders beyond feelings, beyond reason.

Between the lost and the found
We're all hanging empty
Empty and upside down
But I'm hanging on
Though the fall may tempt me
And I believe in the dawn
Though I tremble in the night
Amidst these ins and these outs
There's a fine line of purpose
I follow even now
Through the haze of despair
That confuses and hurts us
I look to see that You're there
And I run toward Your light
Beyond these reasons and feelings
Beyond the passion and fatigue
I know You're there
And that Your Spirit is leading me


Ben said...

I see it all over the place these days. Provision, you know? Good things happen where I can't take credit, bad things happen and I find what I need just in those moments, just the right word or the right conversation to remind me in Whose hands I am.

That's pretty vague, but I suppose I mean I'm in a phase of my life where reminders wouldn't be enough, and so God has been showing me His goodness writ large over everything these days.

if walled in climb up said...

Rich actually sent me the song and I asked him if he thought I lived life on a shelf and he said no, that he was just reflecting on the lyrics.

It's interesting to hear what people think, but it's most important to realize what you think about yourself, in my opinion. I didn't so much care what he thought (after all, he's only spent a couple of days in person with us, so that would hardly constitute knowing someone) but thought it's a good time in life to simply pose the question.

How are you?

if walled in climb up said...

Oooh, a 90s music night, how fun!

From the music video, I got the impression that Jewel was singing about a husband who had died. They had him behind this sheer white sheet reaching out for was haunting. It actually made me cry this morning! I love the lyrics. I guess I like to think of it as that rather than a breakup song b/c with breakups your impression of the person is usually tainted for the worse.

Sometime when we see each other we should totally go sing 90s karaoke! : D

Hope you're doing great. I think I owe you a phone call. Why is this phone calling so hard? I can't remember the last time we caught up. But know that I love you! : )

if walled in climb up said...

It's a beautiful music video. The only thing that makes me doubt the 'death theory' is several lines where she wonders what she's say if she had him on the phone. That makes me wonder if he's alive, but the music video makes me think he's passed on.

But I guess with good songs and good poetry you can take it however it means the most to you. : )

Cara said...

Mostly just still being alive is a reminder of God's goodness to me. It feels so good after walking in the shadow of death.